Why?
by firestar4
Summary: Why wasn't I there for him? He needed me and I wasn't there. Now there he was fading away and I couldn't do a thing about it. All I had to ask myself was...why? This is set when the Winchester rescue Cas from April from Dean's POV. It's also a bit AU.
1. Chapter 1

I had to say, Ticked-Off-Angel-Chick could really throw down, even being cast out of Heaven with the rest of the Angels. She was currently throwing Sam around, while I, still shaking the stars out of my vision, sneaked up behind her with the Angel Blade she had kicked aside. I got to her just as she was about to finish off Sam. I said, "Hey!" and she turned around right into my Blade. Once the light had disappeared, I went to go check on Sam, but I heard a faint moan and a choked cough from the chair where Cas was at. I turned to see Cas faintly moving. He was still alive? I instantly went to his side and put my hand on his knee, asking, "Cas?" He slowly opened his eyes half way, and eventually focused on me. His eyes lit up and he asked, "Dean…? Are…you…?" he was cut off by a sudden coughing fit that left his lips red. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy Cas. I'm here, I'm here, I'm ok." I said as I put a steadying hand on his shoulder. For the first time, I could see where the Angel-Chick had put her Blade. The Blade had pierced his left lung, about two inches away from his heart. Fatal if not treated right away. The lung had fully collapsed by the sound of Cas's breathing.

He raised his arm and put his hand on the spot where I still had the hand-print on my shoulder. He tighten his grip on the spot as he had another coughing fit. My grip also tightened as I said, "Hey, hey, hey, easy, easy Cas." "Dean…Thank you." 'Thank you'? For what? Being the cause of him losing his power? Being the reason he was in this state? Cas took a shallow breathe as he said, "Thank you…for being…my friend. And for…forgiving…me." It was getting hard for him to breathe, but, like the stubborn fool he was, he continued, saying, "I don't…regret…raising you…meeting you…is the…best thing…to happen…to me." His chest is heaving now, as is mine, but both for different reasons. After everything that happened to him, everything I put him through, he still says I'm his best friend? I've been anything but his best friend lately! "Hey Cas…Cas! I'm going to call for help, ok? You're going to be alright, just hang on." I pulled out my phone to make the call, but Cas took his hand from my shoulder and pulled my hand down, saying, "it's too late…I'm sorry Dean…" his eyes are hooded, and are nearly shut. My throat tightened. My friend, my best friend, even though I had no right to call him that, was slipping away from me, and there wasn't a thing that I could do. And what was worse, I was the reason that he was in this mess! If I hadn't kicked him out of the Bunker, he wouldn't be homeless, would've never met Ticked-Off-Angel-Chick, and wouldn't be dying right now.

His breath had started to rattle, and I knew what meant. He didn't have long. Cas opened his eyes almost all the way open, and looked me straight on and said in a surprisingly strong voice, "None…of this…is your…fault…I made…my own decisions…chose my…my own path." His arm shifted back to the mark on my shoulder and the grip tightened. Still looking at me straight on, he smiled slightly and said, "Goodbye Dean." When he said that, his eyes lost their intensity and his eyelids started to droop, his breathing got more irregular and shallower, and his grip on my arm slackened. And then his eyes closed, his breathing stopped, his arm dropped into his lap, and there was absolute silence.


	2. Chapter 2

I was frozen in place, not believing what was in front of me. I put both my hands on both sides of his face saying, "Cas? Cas?!" my voices cracked, but I was too deep in shock to care. His eyes remained closed and his head remained limp. I took my hands away and stood back in shock. I heard a rustling and turned to see Sam starting to stand up. "Sam, he's gone." I said, not being able to believe my own words.

I turned towards Sam and was surprised. He was standing tall, his back ramrod straight. And his eyes held a concentration and an intensity that I'd only seen in an Angel before. He moved quickly towards Cas and held his hand over the wound that still had the deadly blade in it. He closed his eyes and golden-white light spilled from his outstretched hand. The Blade disappeared, and the wound healed right before my eyes. The light disappeared and he staggered back before he collapsed against the wall. I started walking toward Sam, when a groan stopped me in my tracks. I turned around and went back to Cas's side.

"Cas?" I asked, voice shaking, barley daring to hope. I crouched down and put my hand on his knee. Cas groaned faintly and slowly opened his eyes. It took a while, but he eventually he focused on me and asked, "Dean…?" I heard Sam getting up, and Cas turned towards him and asked, "And Sam…?" I felt a burning behind my eyes that I ignored on principle, but was relieved when I heard Cas's voice. I thought I'd never hear it again.

I let out a sigh and said, "Never do that again." "All right." Cas said immediately. He looked around confused and said, "But I…I don't understand. I know she stabbed me, but, I don't appear to be dead." Cas and Sam both had matching "confused-beyond-belief-my-brain-is-about-to-explode" looks. Oh, boy. Here it goes. I turned to Sam and said, "Well, you got dinged." I turned to Cas and said, "And I made a deal with her. I wouldn't shish-kabab her if she brought you back. And, well, she brought you back." "You lied." Cas said. "Yeah, I lied. I do that." More than hopefully they'll ever know.

Sam picked himself up of the floor and stumbled over to help me get Cas out of the chair. Once we got the bindings off, we both helped him up and all three of us stumbled back to Baby. Cas took his seat in the back while Sam took shotgun and I was driving. While I started Baby and pulled away from Angel-Chick's apartment, I heard Cas rustling in the back as he started to nod off. "You ok back there Cas?" I asked. He didn't answer, so I just continued on driving. We were about half-way to bunker when Cas's voice, thick with sleep, came from the back saying, "you came for me…I don't have my…'mojo'…you still came for me." "Of course Cas. Your family." I saw a rare faint smile spread across his face as he settled in again. The smiled stayed as we rode on.

As the miles dragged on, I couldn't stop thinking about the second chance that I'd be given, and I was determined not to screw this one up. We all had a lot of bridged that needed to be repaired, and wounds that needed to be healed, but we were together now, and we would get through it.

We always did.


End file.
